The Stage Where I Want It

Musings

I want to talk about the word stage in two of its common definitions. 

The first is a tangible, expansive, and ever-present place in my life: the stage on which we dance and sing and act out the most honest of truths in our lives.  I associate it with curtains and applause and lights and costumes and most importantly, the part that is hidden, that the audience can’t see.  I never thought I would miss it as much as I do.  Watching a production or performance from the wings, not quite on stage but not quite in audience either.  Instead, somewhere in the middle.  Or waiting there, right before a curtain call, with every other person who made the night what it was.  These days, it’s believing I’ll find myself in that place again that gets me through life.  Sometimes, I tell myself that it’s a pipe dream and I’m just wasting my time, but I don’t really believe that.

And that brings me to the other stages, the ones that are abtract and representative of the steps we have to take toward some other goal.  I’ve always had a problem with diving into things headfirst, not really considering first the consequences, and taking situations to the extreme.  What happens is life usually spits me back out as if I’m not ready for this, whatever this is.  Because I haven’t taken the time to figure that out.  When I was younger, I always wanted to be famous, I was always chasing fame.  I didn’t really know what else I wanted out of the arts and out of life especially.  It’s been a struggle for me to re-evaluate that as I get older.  I’m jealous of people who know exactly what they want and are good at it and are on their way there.  On the otherhand, it almost seems too easy.  I’m still figuring things out.  There’s a song by Winterpills called “Want the Want.”  For me, the lines in the chorus (and the rest of the song, which is a lovely compilation of couplets and heavy in imagery) really pinpoint the situation with surprising accuracy: You want (if it doesn’t kill you first) the want (it might just drive you mad).  It’s about wanting to want something that perhaps comes easy for you and everyone wants you to have but that you personally don’t think is the right path to take…yet.

From A Far Away Place

Musings

In terms of writing, I was thinking about how I like to work from personal experiences but view them from a different angle.  For example, if I’m writing about something that I actually experienced first-hand, I’ll try to approach it through the eyes of an outsider or someone who is indirectly affected by it.  On the other hand, if I’m reading about something in the news that has some impact on me,  I try to imagine the person or the life behind the story.  What has the news left out?  What has been twisted?

A Desire for Mastery

Inspiration, Musings, News

Welcome to my new blog!  For the longest time, I’ve had a hard time organizing my thoughts about my work in a consistent manner, and it’ll still probably take a while before blogging becomes a habit, but now that I’m no longer in school, I’ll try.

Last weekend, I finally finished reading Annie Tremmel Wilcox’s A Degree of Mastery, her memoir about her apprenticeship in Book Arts and restoration at the University of Iowa.  While I don’t think it was the most compelling narrative and wouldn’t really recommend it to people who are not Book Arts practicioners or at least interested in the craft, I was definitely pulled in by her description of process and long hours in the studio.  Jealous, even.  I’ve always been the kind of person who can never figure out what I want–because it changes from year to year or month to month, sometimes even day to day.  I really think I’m ready to dedicate myself to this for the next few years though.  I would love to at least try. 

One thing about the book that I found annoying however: Wilcox hardly talks about her life outside of the studio.  Sure, she mentions teaching rhetoric and pursuing a PhD at the same time as her apprenticeship, but never goes much deeper than that.  And I understand that that’s not what the book is about, that Book Arts in all-consuming in many ways.  But the way I see and approach art, all kinds of art, is with its constant marriage to life.  I don’t understand how one can repair books all day and not have that process bleed into their personal life and vice versa.

As for me, I just finished up designing the jackets for my last thesis art book.  It involves a layering of different book jackets, each representing a different part of the manuscript and a different year.  Right now I’m still going back and forth on what the whole piece should be called.  Thick Skin or Onion or simply, Skin?  I don’t know but I have a lot of time to decide.  I’ll actually get the jackets printed and cut in the next few weeks. 

Projects that are coming up:  After reading about clam-shell boxes, I feel like I should make one for I’m Sorry But We’re Closed, maybe one that allows for it to stand up on display.  I’m also starting a some-what secret project, pictures of which will hopefully be posted once it is finished.  I am excited…  Also, I am still trying to decide whether to apply to graduate programs for Fall 2010 admission.  Classes began again at UH today.  In some ways, I still don’t feel like I’ve graduated.