I want to talk about the word stage in two of its common definitions. 

The first is a tangible, expansive, and ever-present place in my life: the stage on which we dance and sing and act out the most honest of truths in our lives.  I associate it with curtains and applause and lights and costumes and most importantly, the part that is hidden, that the audience can’t see.  I never thought I would miss it as much as I do.  Watching a production or performance from the wings, not quite on stage but not quite in audience either.  Instead, somewhere in the middle.  Or waiting there, right before a curtain call, with every other person who made the night what it was.  These days, it’s believing I’ll find myself in that place again that gets me through life.  Sometimes, I tell myself that it’s a pipe dream and I’m just wasting my time, but I don’t really believe that.

And that brings me to the other stages, the ones that are abtract and representative of the steps we have to take toward some other goal.  I’ve always had a problem with diving into things headfirst, not really considering first the consequences, and taking situations to the extreme.  What happens is life usually spits me back out as if I’m not ready for this, whatever this is.  Because I haven’t taken the time to figure that out.  When I was younger, I always wanted to be famous, I was always chasing fame.  I didn’t really know what else I wanted out of the arts and out of life especially.  It’s been a struggle for me to re-evaluate that as I get older.  I’m jealous of people who know exactly what they want and are good at it and are on their way there.  On the otherhand, it almost seems too easy.  I’m still figuring things out.  There’s a song by Winterpills called “Want the Want.”  For me, the lines in the chorus (and the rest of the song, which is a lovely compilation of couplets and heavy in imagery) really pinpoint the situation with surprising accuracy: You want (if it doesn’t kill you first) the want (it might just drive you mad).  It’s about wanting to want something that perhaps comes easy for you and everyone wants you to have but that you personally don’t think is the right path to take…yet.